Today's Test

As always, I'm so glad to hear feedback from you. I have so much I've been thinking about this lately, but I can't seem to fully wrap my mind around it or express it properly. I keep trying, and I think with each articulation I get a tiny bit closer to what I'm trying to say, but it's so nice to know you UNDERSTAND what I'm talking about. I know you do.

Ugh. I relate so much to your story. Sometimes I just wonder about people. I think we are similar in this too--that we are quite sensitive and go to great lengths to not upset or offend others because we know how it makes us feel. So often, it seems other people just blunder though life oblivious to how what they say or do might affect other people. I know that most of the time they don't intend to be offensive, and I often try to take the blame on myself, thinking it's ME that is being too sensitive. But then I try to stop rationalizing other people's behavior and remember that I'm entitled to how I feel as well. I think way too much about this all I think, and that's probably part of the problem. I assume that since I care so much, other people must care as much too and thus I read meaning in EVERYTHING--from a look to an offhand remark.

I would have cried after that remark too. Recently I've had a mini revelation about my circumstances here. In many ways I feel I'm still adjusting to life as an "Army wife." I can't stand to not put it in quotations--I hate the way I feel about the term. It has such negative connotations for me--this is another topic I can go into another time...Anyway, one of the things blogging has done for me is to allow me to organize my thoughts a bit and reflect on them, and I don't like how negative I sound. I complain a lot. It's not who I want to be. I'm not a victim, helpless in my circumstance--I chose this life, but sometimes I have a hard time reconciling what I want for my life with what I see as imperative. The hardest part is realizing that those imperatives are things I perceive and that if I choose, I don't have to be bound by them...I'm rambling now and talking so vaguely--forgive me. Like I said, I feel like I'm stumbling around here in the dark sometimes. What I'm talking about specifically is how I LOATHE the roll of many military wives. I think it's been a rough introduction to the army culture posted here in Europe rather than the states because stateside you have more options for socialization outside of the army. When the women get together here and introductions are given, they ask you WHAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES. Every time. First thing. I HATE IT. Those who are involved